


What is better than two Festivals ? Twenty of them !!

by GivemeanID



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Dancing, Festivals, Mention of orgies, Multi, Tobirama with glasses and a riding crop, because that deserves its own tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-02-07 21:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21465127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: During the 4th war Hashirama learns that Konoha's festivals had disappeared. Nobody know of them anymore.To say the God of Shinobi was angry was an understatement.
Comments: 328
Kudos: 211





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Shiver_Mint, she's the one who enabled me with her wonderful ideas !
> 
> So after a conversation in the comments of Pretty Deadly Half-Naked People (Goddammit), we decide that this fic, plus the Festival series, plus Cultural differences were part of the same universe, because let's face it that would be hilarious. And then Shiver_Mint started launching ideas at me and I was like "Ooooh ! Shiny ! Precious !" and this is how this fic happened ^^
> 
> Hope you will enjoy ! Shiver_Mint, my dear, this for you ;D

The war was at its peak, bodies were falling everywhere, the Juubi - and Madara - were screaming and Hashirama and Naruto, the most powerful shinobis on the battlefield, the only hope left, were... making small talk, as if all of this commotion was nothing but a pleasant walk in the park.

\- You know, Hashirama said, I was thinking when all of this would be finished, we could make a Festival to celebrate our victory !  
\- Yeah ! It would be awesome having a third festival ! The two we have are kinda boring !

And just like that Hashirama froze.

\- What ?!  
\- What ? Naruto asked, wondering what got into the First Hokage.  
\- Can you repeat what you just said ?  
\- It would be awesome to have a third festival ?  
\- Haha... you're kidding right ? I mean, Konoha had like twenty five festivals...  
\- Uh... No, it only has two, Spring and Autumn...

Hashirama became paler than death.


	2. What happened to the Festivals ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama is in for a big (and unpleasant) surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We learn what happened ^^

\- You're joking, right ? Hashirama said with a forced smile, you still have the Crops' Celebration...  
\- Hum... no...  
\- The Festival of the Stars ?  
\- No...  
\- The Winter Night ?  
\- Nope...  
\- Stardragon and Moondragon ?  
\- No...

The First Hokage was looking greener with each answer and Naruto felt a little bad for him.

\- You know... my social life wasn't... exceptionnal... maybe we still have them and I just don't know... I'm gonna ask... Sakura ! Shikamaru !

The two of them landed next to Naruto a second later.

\- What is it ? Shikamaru asked.

Hashirama immediately jumped on the young Nara and caught him by the shoulders, looking a little possessed.

\- You're a Nara ! You kno about the Shadow Feast and the Shogi Festival ! You still have them !  
\- What ?.. no... I don't know what you are talking about...

Hashirama was definitely green now. Kakashi, who was nearby, came to see what was going on. Hashirama turned to him quickly, long brown hair whipping around his head.

\- You're a Hatake ! Please tell me you still celebrate the FatherWolf and the MotherStorm !  
\- Sorry, the what now ?

Hashirama started wailing.

\- TOBI !!! he screamed, running to his brother.

Tobirama turned to him, busy hacking through the Juubi's puppet creatures with a water blade.

\- What ?!  
\- They don't have any Festival left !!  
\- What ?! There has to be a mistake, Anija. Surely, you misunderstood...  
\- No ! Hashirama cried, bawling his eyes out, they don't have Festivals anymore !  
\- The Blessing ? The Contest ? The Bees ? Court of the Night Flowers ?!

Each try was met with Hashirama shaking his head. Around them the fighting had stopped and people were wondering what the fuck was going on. Even Madara and Obito. Even the Juubi. And suddenly, Hashirama was glowering and turning to his ex-best friend.

\- MADARA !!! he roared.

He launched himself in the direction of the Uchiha patriarch, who squeacked with a flagrant lack of dignity, caught him by the collar and started shaking him like a plum tree.

\- What have you done ?! What happened ?! Why did all the Festivals disappear ?!!

And just like that, Madara started bawling his eyes out. Hashirama's eyes widened and so did those of the Alliance. Meanwhile, on the ground, Tobirama was running from Konoha nin to Konoha nin, screaming what they supposed to be festival names into their faces and being increasingly distressed by their negative answers.

\- Madara ? Hashirama said.  
\- They... they got rid of them !!! There was the first war and they stopped the festivals but when it ended they banned them ! They... they claimed they were barbaric !

Madara was wailing, Hashirama was green, Tobirama had stopped running and everyone else was listening intently.

\- And then they banned the marriage traditions !!! And... and... and then...

The Uchiha was hyperventilating.

\- ... they banned the same-sex unions, he whispered like he was telling a horrible secret.  
\- THEY WHAT ?!!! the Senju brothers roared.

Tobirama appeared next to Madara and Hashirama.

\- Who did that, Madara ? he growled, eyes flashing red.

The sniffling Uchiha pointed a trembling finger to Hiruzen Sarutobi, who had been slowly inching away from the battle since the word festival had been mentionned.

\- Him !

Growling, Tobirama whipped on his heels.

\- SARUTOBI HIRUZEN ! COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT, YOUNG MAN !! YOU HAVE EXPLANATIONS TO GIVE !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are wondering, here is the list of the Festivals, and what they are about, the clan they come from and the date.
> 
> 01/01: New Year (Senju / orgy)  
01/12: Shadow Feast (Nara / theater and human size puppetry (with shadows))  
02/03: Stardragon (Uchiha / fireworks)  
02/21: Festival of the Stars (Senju / dancing)  
03/02: FatherWolf (Hatake / orgy)  
03/21: Spring (Sarutobi / normal)  
03/23: The Blessing (Senju / dancing)  
04/04: Celebration of the Dead (Uchiha / singing)  
04/17: The Hunt (Inuzuka - Hatake / hunting and orgy)  
04/30: Court of the Night Flowers (Yamanaka / dancing)  
05/29: Feast of the Adepts (Senju / SURPRISE! (but those who guess get a virtual cookie ^^))  
06/15: Bees Celebration (Aburame / drinking contest)  
06/17: Gods Gift (Akimichi / eating contest)  
07/09: The Contest (Uchiha / poetry)  
07/31: Shogi (Nara / shogi contest)  
08/09: Moon and Stars (Inoshikacho / dancing)  
08/23: Warriors' Feast (Shimura / fighting contest)  
09/03: Crops' Celebration (Senju / orgy)  
09/21: Autumn (Sarutobi / normal)  
10/01: MotherStorm (Hatake / dancing and orgy )  
10/19: First Snow (Hyuga / dancing)  
11/11: Feast of the Sage (Uchiha / storytelling)  
12/05: Winter Night (Senju / dancing)  
12/13: Moondragon (Uchiha / fireworks)


	3. Where a lot of things are revealed (some people would like brain bleach, please)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarutobi tries to run.
> 
> The alliance learns way too much things about the founders' private life.
> 
> The other villages wonder what the fuck is going on with Konoha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I am not under the influence of questionnable substances ^^

You could put it to Sarutobi's credit, he tried to run. Keyword being that he tried. He managed to run five hundred meters before Tobirama pounced on him, caught him by the scruff of his neck and manhandled him to where Hashirama and Madara where waiting. Everybody had stopped fighting and gathered around them, avid for gossip. The Juubi was sleeping somewhere in the background. Even Obito was here, standing a little behind Madara, Kakashi hovering around him, apparently trying to say something.

\- Explanations, Saru. Right. The fuck. Now, the Nidaime growled.

He looked ready to bite someone's head off. Namely, Sarutobi's.

\- Master, Sarutobi tried, we're at war. You don't believe the Uchiha ? He's ready to do anything to win !  
\- Yes, I believe him ! Now explanations before I do something so drastic you won't be able to speak !!

Sarutobi paled. Madara was looking at Tobirama with... heart eyes ? Shikamaru shook his head. No it couldn't be. It was a known fact that these two couldn't stand each other.

\- I banned them because they were distracting and improper ! Sarutobi said, blushing.  
\- Distrac... of course they were distracting, that was the point ! It was so people could forget the horrors of the war and relax ! And get to know each other and each other's cultures ! And how in forest's name were they improper ?!  
\- You know what I'm talking about Master ! Sarutobi wailed, red-faced and a little hysteric, all I did, it was for the good of the village !  
\- You fucked up perfectly good ninjas is what you did ! Look at them, they got anxiety !  
\- I wanted to strenghten the village !  
\- The festivals were strenghtening the bonds between the clans ! How is banning them doing anything for the village ?!

Sarutobi blushed even more. Tobirama was litterally foaming at the mouth.

\- I swear, Saru ! If this is about what I think it is, ex-student of mine or not, there's gonna be hell to pay !  
\- This is not ..! I am ..! How dare ..!  
\- You are a gigantic prude, Saru ! And you got rid of an important part of our culture just because of that ! So you're not in position to tell me anything !!

Naruto would have never thought that seeing the Sandaime getting roasted in public by his predecessor would be so satisfying. And yet...

\- Hum, excuse-me, Shikamaru said, raising his hand.

Tobirama whipped on his heels to turn to him.

\- What ?  
\- I just have a question. I don't understand why you are so angry about all of this. I mean, the festival banning is a low blow, but you were speaking about marriage traditions and... I never heard of those... and in the history books, it is said that Lord Shodai was married to Lady Mito and that Lord Nidaime was never married... and Madara was said to be a criminal, so...  
\- What ?! What kind of fuckery is that ?!!

Tobirama turned to Sarutobi, again.

\- You rewrote the history books ?!!!  
\- I am not a criminal ! Madara exclaimed.

The two Senju brothers turned to him with matching blasé looks. The Uchiha patriarch had the decency to look sheepish.

\- Okay, he said, the whole " manipulating a naive youngster to start a war " was my fault. But except that, I am not a criminal !  
\- You attacked the village with the Nine Tails ? Shikamaru countered.  
\- What ?! No ! Kurama was a gift for Mito !  
\- A gift ?  
\- Yes ! A birthday gift...  
\- For Mito ? As in Mito Uzumaki, wife of the Shodai ?  
\- Yes !  
\- Why would you offer a tailed beast to Lady Mito ?  
\- Because I was married to her, you dumbass !

The whole battlefield - with the notable exception of the Senju brothers - blue-screen-of-deathed.

\- What ?! Sakura exclaimed, but Lady Mito was married to the Shodai !  
\- And to me ! Madara screeched.  
\- And to me, Tobirama deadpanned.  
\- Now that we talk about it, Hashirama wondered aloud, was there someone who wasn't married to Mito ?  
\- Not that I recall, Madara said.  
\- That why she was the Queen, Tobirama added.

The three men nodded.

\- Wait a minute, Obito said, joining the conversation, how many people were you married to ?  
\- Directly or indirectly ? Madara asked, as the Senju brothers started counting on their fingers.

Obito made a face, rolled his eyes, quietly said " fuck it " under his breath, sat and hugged his knees. Kakashi was still hovering, looking ready to flail. Tobirama and Hashirama's counting had reached the three digits number. Naruto was eying the Rookies Twelve and Gaara with a greatly interested face. Darui summed the rest of the battlefield sentiment.

\- What the fuck ? he said.  
\- Oh, this is nothing, Tobirama cheered, just wait till we tell you about clans' marriages.  
\- What ?  
\- Well the Senju Clan as a whole was married to the Uchiha Clan as a whole.  
\- Oh yeah, I remember ! Hashirama laughed, they set fire to our compound and jumped us ! Good times !

Darui blinked, not knowing if he should feel impressed or terrified.

\- In Kumo, we call that a declaration of war...  
\- Really ?! In Konoha we call that a marriage !


	4. Where Madara is easily distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Alliance is now very sure that Konoha's Founders are all crazy.
> 
> And It's just the beginning.
> 
> Obito would like people to leave him alone.

\- So what do we do now ? Shikamaru asked.  
\- What do you mean ? Hashirama replied.  
\- Do we continue to fight or..?  
\- Absolutely not ! Madara screeched.

He jumped on the Senju brothers and embraced them tightly. And to everyone's bewilderment, they let him do it with a smile, Hashirama even threading his fingers through the Uchiha patriarch's wild mane.

\- I just got two of my husbands back ! So fuck the fighting !

An inhuman screech interrupted him and Black Zetsu lept on Madara.

\- No ! You can't !! You have to..!

Madara whipped on his heels and incinerated the thing with a particularly powerful Katon jutsu.

\- The fuck was that ? Hashirama mused.  
\- Nothing, Madara said way too innocently to be honest.  
\- Madara... Tobirama deadpanned.

The Uchiha rolled his eyes, grabbed the Second Hokage by his furpelt and kissed him wildly. The First Hokage wailed indignantly, shierking he wanted a kiss too and flailing around them like a headless chicken on steroids. Madara let a blushing Tobirama go, looking really smug, just before being jumped by an overenthousiastic Hashirama. Minato was observing them like they were a particularly interesting experiment, Naruto was grinning and wiggling his eyebrows in a blushing Sasuke's direction, Orochimaru was taking notes, Sarutobi was emulating his inner boiling tea keetle and the rest of the Alliance was wondering if they were not in another dimension because what the fuck ?! Fighting his blush, Tobirama cleared his throat while Hashirama was smothering Madara in the background.

\- Very well, he siad, so the war is finished. We're taking over and the Festivals are reinstated - Shut up, Saru ! - and the other villages are of course invited. You !

He pointed at a startled Obito.

\- You're gonna use your eye magic to ressurect us and then you're gonna go enjoy your honeymoon, because you look like you need it...

Obito stood there, gaping.

\- What honeymoon ?  
\- The one with your husband ?  
\- What husband ?!

Obito was sounding a little hysterical and really you couldn't blame him. Tobirama frowned.

\- Madara, you didn't tell him ? he asked.

Madara managed to separate from an amorous Hashirama.

\- Sorry, I was too busy daydreaming about your thights, among other things... I forgot.

Tobirama facepalmed. Yeah, count on Madara to forget important things because he was distracted by bare skin.

Uchiha...

\- So... he groaned, turning back to Obito, I was talking about the Hatake who's looking at you like you hung the moon... Or like he wants to hump your leg... It's fifty fifty, really...  
\- Tobi, you're half Hatake, Hashirama sighed.  
\- Which means I know what I am talking about !

Hashirama facepalmed.

\- This is not eye magic, by the way, Madara added.  
\- I know, Tobirama said, smiling like a shark, and once things are calmed down, I'm strapping you to a table and dissec... doing science on you to get how it works...  
\- You were gonna say dissect, Madara deadpanned.  
\- No...  
\- Yes.  
\- No.  
\- Tobi, Hashirama groaned, you agreed on not dissecting people anymore...  
\- Spoilsport... the Second Hokage huffed.

He turned to his brother with hopeful eyes.

\- But I can still strap him to a table ?  
\- Yes, as long as there is no dissection involved...

Tobirama pumped the air and cheered, Hashirama rolled his eyes fondly and Madara was looking more amorous than ever. The Aliance was cowering in fear in the background, except Orochimaru who looked like he was planning a marriage proposal. Obito facepalmed.

\- Okay, let's do this, he groaned.

Five ressurections later.

\- Can somebody explain to me why the fuck I am supposedly married to Kakashi ? he asked, sounding exhausted.


	5. Where Obito really wants to punch someone (preferably Madara)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crazyness increases and Kurama makes some shocking revelations to Naruto.

Obito really wanted to punch someone. First, because he was tired of the old porcupine's bullshit. Seriously, creating a perfect world with Eye of the Moon ? More like creating a world where he could snog his many many wives and husbands in peace. Perfect world his big toe !

More like Orgy World...

Second, because you're supposed to tell a guy when they are married to another guy ! He could understand that he was distracted by the Second's thights (he couldn't blame him, he had eyes and the Second had very... erhm... formfitting pants), but still !

\- So ? he growled, very angry.  
\- Well, you gave him one of your eyes, which means that by Uchiha laws, you are married, Madara said matter-of-factly.

Obito punched him.

Because he could.

Then he turned to a squeacking Kakashi with a murderous aura.

\- Kakashi. You. Me. Kamui dimension. Right the fuck now. And you'd better fuck me good enough I forget that whole shitshow, husband.  
\- I'll try my best...

Kakashi caught a scowling Obito bridal style and two minutes later, they were gone, under Naruto and Sakura's cheers.

\- Now what ? Minato asked from where he was embracing his son in a bear hug.  
\- Now everybody's going home, Tobirama started, then my husbands are going to fuck my brains out, then we're gonna proceed to strategic ressurections, then I'm going to educate the village about the Festivals and the marriage traditions and then we're gonna organize them and invite the other villages.  
\- Sounds good, Naruto grinned.

A lot of Konoha nins were looking at their feet, apparently wondering how many people they accidentally married. Sarutobi, tied up and gagged, was silently wailing.

\- Hum, A coughed, maybe we should do something about the Juubi before that...  
\- Great idea, Tobirama said, Madara you're doing it.  
\- Why me ?! Do you want my death ?!

Tobirama gave him a very unimpressed face. Madara pouted but went to deal with the Juubi anyway. He inhaled sharply and ran to the gigantic sleeping demon, screaming and gesticulating to get their attention. The whole Alliance made a strategic retreat to get out of the line of fire, except the Senju brothers, who whipped two deckchairs and a bag of popcorn out of nowhere and sat to enjoy the show.

\- They are completely crazy, Naruto thought.

He was looking incredulously to where Madara was apparently ressorting to expressive pantomime to explain something to an amused Juubi.

\- You have no idea, Kurama grumbled at the back of his mind.  
\- Oh yeah, it's true you knew them...  
\- Yep... was even married to them...

Naruto's eyes widened.

\- What ?  
\- I was married to them... and to Mito... nice woman, I like her a lot...  
\- Woah... and you and them... did you... you know...

As an answer, Kurama showed him a memory of Tobirama Senju in the middle of an orgasm. Naruto blushed to his hairline, a little hot under the collar. If you had told him that one day he would know what the Second Hokage being plowed by the Nine Tailed Fox looked like...

Kurama snickered.

\- Tobi's the easiest to handle, he said with mischief in his voice, he might be a crazy mad scientist with no morals, but if you fuck him long enough, he becomes pliant like a kitten...

Naruto blushed even more. Dammit, he didn't need the details of the Founders' sex lives.

\- Madara's more difficult, he's grouchy and has an ego the size of the Hokage Monument, and he hates being teased witha passion. Usually, tha's how Mito got him, just tied him up and teased him till he passed out. T'was really funny...

Naruto was sounding like boiling tea keetle. Kurama's confessions could have been manageable if only the fox wasn't providing him with the images.

\- Hashirama's a slippery fucker, though. And he's vicious...

Just as Kurama said that, Madara came back covered in dust, looking exhausted.

\- So, he groaned, she says she's not interested in our bullshit and she'd rather sleep. So she's gonna free the other tailed beasts, and then she's gonna nap.  
\- Perfect ! Tobirama exclaimed standing up, and now we're going back to Konoha !


	6. Where Tobirama sacrifices people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Litterally what it says in the title

After coming back to Konoha, they didn't see the Founders for a solid week. They had disappeared into the old Senju compound and nobody heard about them since then. Some particularly brave (or particularly stupid) individuals had tried togo spy on them, but had been intercepted midway by a very done Tsunade, who had told them that her parents had traumatized enough people already.

One week later, Tobirama appeared in front of Konoha's jail, glowing with satisfaction, looking more or less like he had been mauled by tigers and obviously limping. Despite that, he still looked regal and slightly terrifying so the guards didn't make any comments when he entered the building. Believe it or not, they valued their lives.

Tobirama went straight to the Director's office, bent in half, put his elbows on the desk, his chin on his hands and smiled to the man. It was supposed to be a nice smile but it only succeeded in being eerily threatening. The Director gulped, doing his best to hide the fact that he was scared shitless, and kinda failing. At least, he was till conscious and that counted as a win.

\- Hello, Tobirama said, predatory smile still in place on his lips, I need child abusers. It's for a sacrifice.  
\- I am sorry, what ?  
\- Child abusers. Do you have some ?  
\- Yes ?  
\- Cool. I'm taking them with me. I need sacrifices to ressurect people.

The Director thought about arguing but quickly decided otherwise. Fot one, the Second Hokage was a terrifying force of nature, even when he had obviously been fucked within an inch of his life by his very enthousiastic husbands. And two, nobody liked child abusers. Absolutely nobody. So the Director had very little remorses pointing the Second Hokage their way.

\- Sure, he said siling, how many do you need ?  
\- Five. For now.  
\- Of course, we have that. Follow me please.

He led him to a cell where several men were locked and let Tobirama take five of them. Then he led them back to the gates of the jail.

\- Here. Don't hesitate to come back if you need more !  
\- Oh, don't worry ! I won't ! Tobirama cheered with a smile and a wink.

Then he turned back on his heels and stalked determinately in the Senju compound's direction, dragging the chained pedophiles behind him. The Director felt his cheeks heat and his insides flutter. Damn, he understood the Uchiha ! Lucky bastards...

************

\- Is everything ready ? Tobirama asked upon coming back to the compound with his sacrifices.

Madara and Hashirama were finishing laying the seals for Edo Tensei, with a delighted Orochimaru's help. Minato and Naruto were here too, vibrating with restlessness, as well as Sasuke, more shy than he had ever been, hiding behind Naruto. Tsunade was here too, seemingly unaffected, but the tightening of her fingers on her arm betrayed her excitation.

\- Yes, everything is ready, Madara answered, straightening up, you know, I can't believe you kept DNA of all our loved ones... What exactly were you planned for ? A zombie apocalypse ?

Tobirama shot him a toothy grin. They heard Orochimaru squeack. Madara facepalmed.

\- I am not even surprised, he said.

He cracked his neck while Tobirama chained the pedophiles down in the five seals rings. He struted to place himself between Hashirama and Madara. Orochimaru's breath was heavy.

\- Okay, Tobirama said, sacrifices, check. DNA, check. Seals, check. Let's do this.

He quickly composed the handsigns and executed the jutsu. There were a flash, screams from the sacrifices and then the ashes covered them whole. One minute later, five people were standing in the seals rings, their skin paled and cracked like all Edo Tensei summons. Minato and Naruto let out a deafening scream of joy and ran to throw themselves at a silhouette, a tall and strong woman with stricking red hair.

Kushina engulfed her son and her husband in a bear hug, roaring a happy laugh. Minato and Naruto were crying. Another woman, tall, pale and slim, tackled Sasuke.

\- My baby ! Mikoto sobbed, embracing her son, I am so sorry darling !

Sasuke started crying too and gripped his mother tightly. Madara had jumped on a small man with obvious Uchiha features and long hair, and was hugging him like he was trying to crush him. Izuna was reciprocating in earnest. The Seenju brothers and Tsunade had ran to the two last silhouettes, two tall and strong women, one with red hair kept in buns, the other dark-skinned with brown hair kept in a top-knot. Mito and Toka half laughed, half cried as they embraced their family. They stayed like that for a long moment. Tsunade had dragged a flustered Orochimaru into the Senju Cuddle Pile, which had quickly absorbed the other groups.

Finally, Tobirama cleared his throat, trying to dissimulate his shiny eyes.

\- Maybe we shoud proceed to the real ressurection, he said, his voice a little hoarse.  
\- Yes, Madara answered, I will do it.

Five ressurections later.

Hashirama was patting an exhausted Madara's back as the newly ressuercted shinobi were examining themselves, cheering. Izuna teckled Tobirama, kissing him senseless.

\- You okay ? Hashirama asked.

Madara gave him a trembling thumbs-up. As he was finally catching his breath, Mito stepped in front of him, a predatory smile on her painted lips. Madara's back snapped into place and he straightened up in a parody of military salute, blushing to his hairline.

\- Anata, Mito growled lowly, it came to my understanding that you've been a. Very. Bad. Boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reason why Madara followed Black Zetsu : his family is 99% of his impulse control ^^


	7. Where well deserved punishment are dished out

Madara became redder than a tomato and for a fleeting second, Hashirama feared he was gonna faint. Mito put a finger under his chin and tilted it upward so Madara was looking at her. Hashirama snorted discreetly. He had never seen Madara so flustered before. Izuna had separated from Tobirama - even if his hands were still firmly set on the Senju's hips - and was eying his brother like a hyena was eying a wounded prey.

\- Is it true, Anata ? Mito growled, have you been a bad boy ?

Madara bristled like a wet cat, an eager smile spreading his lips, his cheeks flushed.

\- Yes, he squeaked, I've been a bad boy...  
\- Oh, Mito smiled like a fox, and what happens to bad boys, Anata ?

She patted his cheek tenderly. Hashirama had plastered himself against Madara's back, closed his arms around his chest and rested his chin on the top of his head, keeping him in place. Toka had approached too, smirking and rolling her shoulders. Tobirama was snuggling Izuna and observing the show like an hawk, licking his lips. Kushina was looking very interested and Mikoto had her Sharingan on.

\- They get punished, Madara said.

Mito kissed his nose, laughing slightly.

\- Indeed, Anata. Will you take your punishment like a good boy ? For me ?

Madara nodded eagerly, looking at Mito like she had hung the moon and the stars in the sky. She patted his hair in reward. Naruto was looking at them intently and his pants were starting to feel a little tight. He blushed.

\- Oh my fucking god, he whispered under his breath.

At te back of his mind, Kurama snorted.

\- They are hot, aren't they ? he growled playfully.  
\- Yeah, Naruto breathed.

His stare wandered toward Sasuke, who was blushing madly and looking at his feet since Mito had cornered Madara. Sasuke quickly met his stare, blushed even more and buried his face against his mother's shoulder. Naruto licked his lips. Now his pants were definitively tight.

\- Go slowly, Kurama advised him, I get that he's pretty, but he also behaves like a spooked doe. And Uchiha tend to be shy.

The fox snorted.

\- At least at the beginning, he added.

Naruto's head whipped to where Izuna was shamelessly groping Tobirama's ass.

\- Do you want some help, Mito ? Tobirama asked, nuzzling Izuna's hair.  
\- Not yet, dear, she answered with a toothy smile.

Hashirama had thrown a squirming Madara over his shoulder and Toka had produced a coil of rope from somewhere. They took off quickly. Tobirama smiled.

\- He won't be abale to walk straight for days, will he ? Izuna said.  
\- Oh yeah, Tobirama laughed.

He kissed the top of Izuna's head and let go. He walked to Kushina and Mikoto and bowed before them.

\- My ladies. I have something for you. May I ask you to follow me ?

Kushina smirked.

\- A surprise ?! she bellowed, I love surprises ! Let's go, pretty boy !

Tobirama presented them his arms and quickly found himself with a woman on each side. He led them to another part of the Senju compound, where a building looking like prison had been erected. Tobirama kicked the door open. On the other side, there was Sarutobi Hiruzen.

When he saw the two women, the former Hokage let out a distressed noise. He looked pleadingly at Tobirama, lower lip woobling.

\- Master, please...  
\- You made mistakes, Saru, you bear the consequences, Tobirama said, merciless.

Kushina and Mikoto entered, cracking their knuckles. They were terrifying and Tobirama heard Izuna's sharp intake of breath. He rolled his eyes, smiling fondly. He threw an arm on the Uchiha's shoulders and squeezed softly.

\- Hello Sarutobi, Kushina snarled, looking a lot like Mito at this instant.  
\- We've heard that you took good care of our boys, Mikot added, Mangekyo spinning madly.

Sarutobi might have pissed himself there and then.

\- We should give them some privacy, Tobirama said, ushering the rest of the party out of the room.

Just as the door was closed, the first scream was heard. Not caring at all about his ex-student being slaughtered by two very angry kunoichi, Tobirama dragged Izuna against a wall and kissed him senseless. Naruto was subrepticely inching toward Sasuke under Minato's indulgent gaze.

After a few minutes, a Mikoto covered in blood opened the door.

\- Senju-sama, she asked, do you happen to have something painful to hit someone with ?

Tobirama gave her a metal chair he had produced from somewhere. Rusted nails were protuding from it. Mikot smiled, thanked him and went back inside with the chair.

\- Do I want to know ? Minato asked.  
\- Probably not, Tobirama smiled.

Izuna kissed him.

\- Hey darling, he said, what about we take some time for ourselves and then we go give a hand to Mito ?

Tobirama grinned.

\- Go have fun, Uncle, Tsunade said, I'm staying here to look out for them.  
\- Thank you, Tsuna-chan, Tobirama said fondly.

Not waiting anymore, Tobirama grabbed Izuna and hiraishined them both away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that Madara is the shortest of all the Founders ^^
> 
> First you have Hashirama (a goddamn tree), then Tobirama (very tall), then Mito and Toka (tall), then Izuna (average) and then Madara (short). In official photos, he's standing on his toes to look taller ;)


	8. Where a lot of people get a new kink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama in a suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little transition chapter here.

Three weeks later, most of Konoha's inhabitants had gathered into the Chunin exams' arena, which had been changed into a gigantic open-air classroom. Naruto was sitting in the first row, with Sasuke on his right and Sakura on his left. Madara, Hashirama and Toka were sitting nearby, chatting softly. The Uchiha Patriarch had a dreamy look on his face and was twitching whenever someone was touching him.

Kakashi and Obito were sitting a fews rows behind Naruto, snuggled together. They had come back a few days ago, draging a bewildered Yamato with them. They had gotten the younger ninja back during their honeymoon. Hashirama, overjoyed to meet another Mokuton user, had immediately latched on him, to Yamato's big surprise. Sandwiched between Hashirama and Toka, he was looking like he still didn't believe what was happening to him.

A lot of people were sitting in the bleachers behind Naruto, mostly ninja and clan people. There were also a few Uchiha, that Tobirama had resurected - Kagami, Shisui, Hikaku, Naori, Fugaku and some others - some Uzumaki and three Hatake. Naruto had been ecstatic to meet his distant cousins and had spent a lot of time with them. They had made a lot of damages on the training grounds too.

They were waiting for Tobrama, Mito and Izuna to start talking about the festivals and the numerous traditions that just got reinstated. Mito ans Izuna were already on the stage, but Tobirama still wasn't there.

And finally, he appeared in a flash, between Mito and Izuna. The crowd, starting with Madara, bit back a surprised groan.

Unlike Mito and Izuna, sho were both wearing more traditionnal clothes, Tobirama was wearing a three-piece western suit, sans the jacket. The pants were black, so was the shirt, and the sleeveless jacket was a deep burgundy. It was perfectly adjusted, showing off Tobirama's large shoulders, his narrow waist and his long legs. A pair of glasses were perched on his nose as he was surveying the crowd with a predatory gaze. It took Naruto a moment to notice the riding crop the Second Hokage was twirling between his long fingers, a crooked smile playing on his full lips. Naruto gulped.

\- Ah, Kurama whispered playfully at the back of his mind, I see that Tobi is using his teacher personna...  
\- Wha...? He does that often ?  
\- When we roleplay, most of the time...

Naruto blushed to his hairline, feeling a little hot under the collar. Tobirama cleared his throat, the hand with the riding crop set on his hip.

\- Perfect ! he bellowed, his deep voice reverberating in the whole arena, my dears, we gathered you here to educate you about the traditions and festivals that had been lost due to a prudish idiot I will not name, otherwise I might get angry !

To mark his point, the riding crop cracked through the air with a sharp sound. A series of moans was heard through the crowd. Madara was eying the Senju with shiny eyes and a short breath, and really, Naruto couldn't blame him. On his left, Sakura was standing very still, her legs squeezed together, her nostrils flaring. Aparently unaware of the effect he had on his audience, Tobirama kept pacing and speaking.

\- I will expose to you most of the traditions and the festivals of the village, he continued, Izuna will explain the festivals specific to the Uchiha Clan and Mito the festivals specific to the Uzumaki Clan !

The riding crop cracked again. Sasuke jumped out of his skin.

\- And Sara will tell you about the FatherWolf and the MotherStorm ! he finished, pointing at someone in the crowd with his crop.

A tall Hatake woman waved at him with a wolfish grin and Tobirama reciprocated, smiling in the same fashion. At the back of Naruto's mind, Kurama snickered.

\- Don't be fooled by his cool demeanor, the fox said, he's perfectly aware of what he's doing.

Naruto could barely bit back a surprised laugh.

Well, this was promising !


	9. Where Tobirama explains the Festivals and traumatizes people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They remember the good old times !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are attacking the festival part of the fic ! I 'll try to do three festival per chapter, which makes us a total of six chapters before Tobi starts explaining the marriage traditions :)

Tobirama cleared his throat as a blackboard was dragged on the stage.

\- Perfect ! he said, I will explain the Festivals in chronological order, so things will be clearer !

The riding crop cracked once again and Tobirama reveled in the collective shiver it earned him. He fought not to lick his lips, it would be way too obvious. But he could feel Mito's and Izuna's amusement behind him.

\- For starters, he said, Konoha has a total of twenty-four Festivals. Six Festivals originate from the Senju Clan, five from the Uchiha, five from the InoShikaCho, two from the Sarutobi, two from the Hatake, one from the Shimura, one from the Aburama, One from the Inuzuka and one from the Hyuga !  
\- Papy Second ! Naruto screeched, jumping on his feet, his hand in the air.  
\- Yes, boy ? Tobirama said, pointing his riding crop at him.  
\- You said there would be Uzumaki Festivals !  
\- I did, boy. The Uzumaki Festivals are a little particular, they do not have a precise date. Mito will explain it in detail.

Naruto nodded and sat back.

\- Well, let's start ! The first Festival of the year takes place the 1st of January and comes from the Senju Clan. It's called the New Year and it's an orgy !

A certain number of people in the audience fainted.

************

Seventy years earlier, 1st january.

\- How many orgy festivals do you have, Senju ?! Madara shrieked.

He was red in the face, his hair bristling, clutching his yukata like a maiden about to be violated. In front of him, groups of naked people were kissing and groping each other. Tobirama was sandwiched between a large Akimichi man and a wolfish looking Hatake woman and he was grinning from ear to ear. Izuna was enthousiastically riding a laughing Hashirama. Hikaku was sprawled on his belly on a fur blanket, boneless, while a Inuzuka was eating him out. Madara felt ready to faint from sheer embarrassement. He had thought participating to the Crops' Celebration would make him immune to seeing naked people, but apparently, he was wrong. A laughing - and naked - Toka threw her am on his shoulders.

\- Three ! she snickered, actually two regular orgies and one... special...

She wiggled her eyebrows. Madara shivered.

\- Do I want to know ? he groaned.  
\- Oh, believe me, she growled playfully, you'll see...

Mito - also very naked - appeared on his other side.

\- Come on, Madara, she smiled, come have fun !

The rest was a blur of sensations and pleasure.

************

Madara bursted out of his daydream as Tobirama finished his explaination on the New Year's signification.

\- To sum up, Tobirama said while agitating his riding crop, this Festival is more or less "Oh gods, we're still alive after another year of shinobi work" sex. Any questions ?

People were looking dazed and drooling. Hashirama's hand shot up and Tobirama rolled his eyes.

\- No Anija, we do not have the time for a practical demonstration, he groaned.

Hashirama's head dropped in fake depression and Madara snorted. In revenge, Hashirama jumped on him and started ruffling his hair, while Madara was shrieking in offense. The riding crop slashed through the air, creating a thundering sound. They stopped wrestling immediately, looking sheepishly at the murderous Tobirama. They gulped, knowing they would pay for that later. Tobirama rolled his eyes and continued his speech.

\- The second Festival of the year is the Shadow Feast ! It takes place the 12th of January and it comes from the Nara Clan ! This is a show of shadow puppettry ! During Konoha's time, anybody could volunteer as a puppet for the show !

************

\- This is... extremely unsettling, Tobirama said.

His leg jerked as it moved without his input and he tried to stop it.

\- Just relax, Shikako laughed.  
\- I am trying, Tobirama replied.

He closed his eyes, breathed deeply and let Shikako lead him through the moves. He inhaled when she finally let him go. He shook his whole body to gain his sensations back. Shikako grinned.

\- Perfect ! You're not resisting the shadow anymore. We can go on the scene.

She threw a pile of translucent veils and an owl mask at him.

\- Put that on, pretty boy !  
\- What the fuck is that ?! It's almost transparent !  
\- Your costume ! Don't bother with underwears !

Tobirama facepalmed before examining the costume. He frowned. It wasn't so bad. But he bet Izuna would laugh himself sick.

************

Tobirama shivered as he finished his explanations. He had danced almost naked in front of the whole village that night. Like he had foreseen, Izuna had rolled over laughing but at the end of the show, his Uchiha lover had spirited him away and rawed him on top of the Hokage monument, while he was wearing only the costume. One of the best night of his life. He smiled.

\- The next Festival is an Uchiha Festival, so I will let Izuna give you the details !

Izuna sauntered in front of the stage, grinning from ear to ear, and loudly slapped Tobirama's ass as he passed next to him. Tobirama reciprocated with his crop, and with great vigor, making Izuna jump a foot in the air. Blushing, the Uchiha cleared his throat.

\- This Festival is called StarDragon ! It takes place the third of February and this is a firework show to honor the goddess Amaterasu !

************

The firework went off, blowing up in the sky of Konoha and painting the night skies with a gigantic golden dragon which spread its wings and roared. Mito clapped her hands, captivated. Another firework dashed toward the skies and painted an armored warrior when it blew up, who immediately attacked the dragon. Tobirama and Hashirama cheered. The firework kept blowing, illuminating the skies.

A few hours later, Madara and Izuna joined them and threw themselves in the Senju's arms.

\- This was incredible !! Mito congratulated loudly, please tell me how you did that ! Was it ninjutsu ?! Fuinjutsu ?! What kind of powder did you use to get these colors ?!

Madara preened, whest and hair puffing up in pride.

\- Well, Princess, these are clan secrets and I am not supposed to tell about them...

Mito's smile took a menacing edge.

\- I can be really convincing, Madara...

************

Izuna grinned as he finished his presentation. The two of them - as well as several other Uchiha - had been rawed within an inch of their life this night.

All in all, a really good night.

**Author's Note:**

> Only the prologue for now, cause I'm still working on the first chapter.


End file.
